What does a healthy relationship look like?

Sometimes it's hard to know if what's happening in your relationship is normal. Uncertainty can be common, and it's often exactly what abuse relies on.

Consider the below for what equality and respect might feel like day-to-day, and compare that with your own experience.

Trust what you notice.

The basics — equality, not control

• A healthy relationship is built on both people having equal say, equal safety, and equal freedom.
• Neither person manages, monitors, or makes decisions for the other.
• Below are some of the everyday signs of that, and what it can look like when they're missing.

You feel safe, physically and emotionally

• In a healthy relationship, you can express yourself, disagree, or bring something up without bracing for a reaction.
• Your partner acts in ways that help you feel comfortable, not on edge.
• This might not sound like your relationship if... you find yourself managing your partner's moods, choosing your words carefully to avoid a blow-up, or feeling relieved when they're not around.

You're listened to, and your opinions matter

• Respect looks like being heard without being talked over, dismissed, or mocked, including in front of other people.
• Your partner can hold a different opinion from yours without needing you to be wrong.
• This might not sound like your relationship if... your feelings get minimised or laughed off, or you often end up apologising just to end a conversation.

You're trusted, and you can trust them

• A partner who respects you supports your goals, your friendships, and your right to your own life outside the relationship.
• Jealousy isn't proof of love, trust is.
• This might not sound like your relationship if... you've lost touch with friends or family to keep the peace, or your movements, phone, or messages are checked or questioned.

Mistakes are owned, not excused

• Nobody gets everything right. In a healthy relationship, your partner can acknowledge when they've hurt you, apologise, and actually change the behaviour, without you having to manage their guilt or fear their reaction for bringing it up.
• This might not sound like your relationship if... apologies are followed by the same behaviour, or you're the one who ends up comforting them after they've hurt you.

Money is a shared decision, not a control lever

• In a healthy relationship, both partners benefit from how money is handled, and financial decisions are made together.
• This might not sound like your relationship if... your access to money is restricted, you have to account for every cent you spend, or you're kept in the dark about household finances.

Disagreements get worked through, not won

• Conflict is normal. In a healthy relationship, it's handled by looking for a solution that works for both people, including being willing to compromise or change your mind.
• This might not sound like your relationship if... arguments always end with you giving in, or disagreeing at all isn't safe.

Parenting, if you have children, is shared and non-violent

• Both parents take responsibility for the children.
• Both parents model calm and respectful behaviour.
• Neither parent uses the kids as a way to control or punish the other.
• This might not sound like your relationship if... your partner undermines you in front of the children, or uses them to get information about you, pressure you, or keep you from leaving.

Responsibilities are shared fairly

• Housework, money decisions, and family life are worked out together, with both people's needs counting.
• This might not sound like your relationship if... you're expected to do everything, or major decisions get made without you.