Post-separation abuse

Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the most important steps you can take. For most people, safety and freedom grow from that point. But some abusive ex-partners try to hold onto control in new ways — through shared children, family court, finances or mutual contacts, rather than face-to-face contact.

• If this happens to you, it doesn't mean leaving was the wrong choice. It doesn't mean you're back where you started.
  
  
• It means the form of the abuse has changed, so the support you need has changed too.
  
  
• This is not a difficult breakup or a high-conflict separation. It's a continued pattern of control, and there is support to help you deal with it.

Does your ex-partner —

Control and intimidate?

• They monitor where you are or who you're with
• They show up uninvited or track you online
• They threaten you, your children or your family — whether or not they follow through

Use money and property?

• They withhold agreed maintenance or refuse to pay shared bills
  
• They block your access to joint accounts
• They pressure you over the family home
  

Use children and family?

• They undermine your parenting or expose children to situations that worry you
• They use custody proceedings, delays or false reports to keep you tied up and drained
• They try to turn your family against you

Harm your reputation?

• They tell others you're the "real" abuser, or that you're unstable
• They misuse agencies, false reports or court processes to wear you down