Understanding the cycle of violence

Domestic violence and abuse is rarely a single incident. Many people experience a cycle of violence, where abusive behaviours repeat and escalate over time.

Every relationship is different. But understanding the cycle of violence can help you recognise what's happening, see that it's not your fault, and lead you to break the cycle.

We're here to support you whenever you're ready.

Phase 1: Tension building

• The abuser becomes increasingly argumentative, angry, and critical.
  
  
• They may yell, swear, and make aggressive gestures, leading to a tense atmosphere.
  
  
• The person being abused feels like they’re walking on eggshells, anticipating something bad.

Phase 2: Use of violence

• Tension comes to a head in violent outbursts, including physical and/or sexual attacks, and verbal abuse.
  
  
• This phase can be very dangerous and may involve a high risk of injury or harm.
  
  
  
  

Phase 3: Reconciliation

• Following the violent incident, the abuser often expresses remorse, apologises, and acts lovingly.
  
  
• They sometimes promise to change or attribute their behaviour to stress, substance abuse, or loss of temper.
  
  
• They might give gifts or behave as they did at the start of the relationship.
  
  
• However, this period is short-lived, as the tension, fear and intimidation build again, sometimes within a short period, restarting the cycle again.