8 power and control tactics used by abusers

Understand how abusers gain control over their victims. We explain the eight abusive tactics connected to physical and sexual violence, or the threat of such violence.

If you recognise any of the following tactics, trust your instincts. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and supported in your relationship.

Coercion and threats

• Coercion involves forcing or pressuring someone to do something against their will.
  
  
• It can include threats of harm, violence, or leaving the relationship.
  
  
• It often extends to emotional blackmail, such as threatening to commit suicide.
  
  
• It can also involve forcing you to do illegal activities or to drop legal charges against the abuser.

Economic abuse

• Economic abuse occurs when someone controls another person’s financial resources. 
  
  
• It might involve preventing you from working, taking your money, giving  you an allowance, or restricting your access to family income.
  
  
• The abuser uses this control to create dependency, making it difficult for you to leave the relationship.
  
  

Male privilege

• Male privilege is when a man assumes authority over a woman, treating her as inferior or a servant.
  
  
• This can mean making all significant decisions, acting like the 'master of the castle,' and determining traditional roles for men and women.
  
  
• The aim is to establish dominance and reinforce unequal power dynamics.

Using children

• Abusers often use children as pawns to control or manipulate their partners.
  
  
• This can involve making you feel guilty, using the children to relay messages, or threatening to take them away.
  
  
• Harassment during visitation or using children as leverage are common tactics to maintain power and control.

Intimidation

• Intimidation is designed to create fear and compliance.
  
  
• Abusers may use threatening looks, gestures, or actions.
  
  
• They might smash things, destroy property, or abuse pets.
  
  
• The goal is to instil fear and keep you in a state of anxiety and insecurity.

Emotional abuse

• Emotional abuse is a way to undermine someone’s self-worth and confidence.
  
  
• This can include name-calling, belittling, playing mind games, and humiliating you.
  
  
• The abuser aims to make you feel guilty, worthless, or crazy, eroding your sense of identity and independence.
  
  

Isolation

• Isolation restricts your contact with the outside world.
  
  
• The abuser controls who you can see or talk to, you can go, or what you can read.
  
  
• They often use jealousy as an excuse for these actions, creating a sense of dependency and limiting your support network.

Minimising, denying, and blaming

• Abusers often minimise or deny their abusive behaviour, making light of the abuse or claiming it didn’t happen.
  
  
• They may shift responsibility, suggesting you caused the abuse or you were at fault.
  
  
• This tactic is designed to invalidate your feelings and avoid accountability.