Coercive control

What is coercive control?

• Coercive control is a pattern of controlling, threatening or abusive behaviour by a partner or ex-partner.
  
  
• It can include emotional, physical, sexual or economic abuse, often building slowly, so it can be hard to recognise from the inside.
  
  
• Coercive control is a criminal offence in Ireland.
  
  
• It works by trapping a person in a relationship, making it feel difficult, confusing or dangerous to leave.

Signs of coercive control

You don't need to tick every box below for this to be coercive control. Even one or two of these on their own can be significant.

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel cut off from friends or family?
  
  
• Does my partner control basic things I need, like food, heating or money for essentials?
  
  
• Do I think my partner is monitoring my phone, laptop, or online activity?
  
  
• Does my partner control where I go, who I see, what I wear, or when I sleep?
  
  
• Does my partner stop me from getting support, medical, emotional, or otherwise?
  
  
• Am I regularly put down, criticised, or made to feel worthless?
  
  
• Am I made to do things that humiliate or degrade me?
  
  
• Have I been pressured or forced into sexual activity I didn't want?
  
  
• Have I been pressured into illegal activity, like shoplifting?
  
  
• Does my partner control the money, or stop me working or having my own income?
  
  
• Has my partner threatened to share private photos, messages or information about me?

Recognising these patterns can bring up a lot of feelings, fear, confusion, even relief at finally putting a name to it. All of these reactions are valid.

If you're thinking about getting help

You don't have to decide everything today, and you don't have to go to the Gardaí to reach out to us. Support comes first. Evidence can come later, if and when you're ready.

If you do think you might want to report to the Gardaí at some point, it can help to have a record of what's happened, kept somewhere safe your partner can't access.

This might include:

• Emails, texts, or call records
• Screenshots of online abuse or harassment
• Records from services you've contacted, including medical visits
• Bank statements showing financial control
• Notes on threats made to you, your children, or family
• A private diary of dates and incidents

A note on safety

If you're worried about someone checking your device, consider using a safe computer (like a library) or clearing your browser history afterwards. We can also talk you through safer ways to keep records.