This was the first time I attempted to raise money as an adult, not for school, not for credits, just because I wanted to. And what made it more exciting was that I could craft my way into getting donations. I had just started crocheting, maybe a year in, where my fingers still itched to feel yarn and my brain was bursting with ideas of things I could make. Saoirse's Craftathon provided the perfect structure to channel that yearning and creativity.
I was extremely nervous at first. I wasn't sure where or how to ask for donations without making things awkward. I also wasn't sure people would even pay for what I made. Maybe they'd just donate to the cause and not care about my carefully handcrafted crochet bows, and that's okay, I suppose, when the point is to raise money and not necessarily sell bows. They were just a means to an end. But it was the act of putting yourself out there, staring into that vulnerability, that made me uncomfortable. My self-worth was on the line, but what was that worth in the real world anyway? I decided to pause and let all of that become a problem once I actually had enough things to attract donors. And so I started to make.
I also gathered the courage to ask a few fellow crafters to join my team, and their enthusiasm led me to actually create one. But when no one joined or showed the same eagerness to create, I felt let down. I suppose not everyone was in the same place, life-wise or mentally. It fed the part of me that believed what I was doing was all simply in vain.
At one point, when I had around seven or eight bows done, we happened to have friends over and they casually asked what I was making. By then, if I wasn't cooking, working, or in the bathroom, I had a crochet hook and yarn in my hand, trying to use every minute of free time to create. So naturally, during movie night, I spent the movie crocheting. The question made me happy. It was the first moment since joining the Craftathon to explain my cause and see, for real, if I'd actually die of awkwardness. To my surprise, not only were they so happy to hear about it, but they were also the first to donate, and were delighted to take a bow from me. I was THRILLED.
What followed was a cascade of support. A fellow dancer from my class encouraged me to put my work out there during our weekly social. A colleague helped me organize an art walk to get more people involved. And the cherry on top, my mom and my brother willing to help all the way from India when donations slowed down. And my dad, the voice of my inner critic (LOL), telling me to have faith, for the first time in my life.
I didn't meet the goal I set for myself, 250 euro, but I came close at 225, and I gained something far more important. This whole experience has been incredible for my mind and soul, a massive boost of confidence in community and in my own creations. Being tired, busy, and overstimulated usually consumes me, but this fills me with hope. Maybe one day I can do more. And maybe people won't laugh me out of the room after all. :)
